The average American wedding costs almost $29,000, according to The Wedding Report, a market research publication. $29,000! That money could buy a nice new car or be a 20% down payment on a $145,000 home. It’s also more than many Americans earn in a year. How do wedding costs get so out-of-hand? And what can you do to keep costs down when it’s your turn to tie the knot? I’m getting hitched in less than three months, so I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit. Here’s what I’ve found.
It’s ironic that most people I know (my fiancee and I included) always say things like “we don’t want a big wedding” and “it doesn’t have to cost much”. Still, as soon as you begin planning the big day, the costs add up. Some people call this hypocrisy, but the fact is, in many cases, many aspects of planning a wedding (and its costs) are out of the bride- and groom-to-bes’ hands. There’s the old saying that the wedding is not about you. It’s about everybody else. Therefore, even if you don’t want to spend money on a fancy reception site/music/food/alcohol/etc., somebody involved may influence these decisions anyway.
Even if you maintain tight control over wedding decisions and costs, they add up. Unless you get married at city hall, you’ll probably want to add rings, clothes, and an officiant. Add a photographer, food for even a small number of guests, and a party, and your costs will be well over $1,000. And for every guest on the list, the costs add up.
My fiancee and I are fortunate enough to have families that are footing the largest of our wedding costs. That’s good, because the majority of our 160—yes 160—guests are extended family members. (If we had to foot the bill alone, chances are the wedding would be for 40 close family and friends). Still, our costs are not insignificant. We’re paying for our rings, clothes, invitations, our band, and our photographer. (The latter two we considered optional, but were important to us). Undoubtedtly, there will be more costs down the road.
In our research and planning, it’s easy to see why $29,000 is the average wedding cost. Consider, for example, the below example of wedding costs. (This isn’t a model of our wedding, and it falls short of the average $29,000 wedding cost, but you’ll see how it adds up).
- Church/Officiant Fee: $500
- Reception Site Rental: $2,500
- Food: $40/plate x 100 = $4,000
- Photographer: $2,000
- DJ or Band: $1,500
- Flowers: $750
- Cake: $500
- Rings: $5,000 (Read more: How much should an engagement ring cost?)
- Dress/Tux: $500
- Open Bar: $3,500
- Total: $20,750
Obviously, this example isn’t for a cheap wedding, but for 100 people, it’s probably a modest one. Any of the above costs can vary greatly based upon your choices, and could easily skyrocket. Some brides spend thousands on their dress alone. (On an aside, that’s one expense, of any, I don’t understand, for something you’ll wear once). I’d rather splurge on a ring that at least you’ll wear for a lifetime.
And you can always save by trimming the guest list. Since we can’t do that, here are a few ways we are saving on our wedding:
- My fiancee got her dress at a major chain; it cost less than $300
- I’m buying my wedding ring from a reputable online jeweler for half of what it costs at a retail jeweler
- We have a relative making our wedding cake
- I’m buying a suit that I can wear again rather than renting a tux; my groomsmen will most likely be able to wear outfits they already own
- We’re holding our wedding reception in the early afternoon and following it up with a BYOB after-party, which should dramatically reduce alcohol costs
I’m working on some more specific wedding-related posts. Did you get married recently or are you planning a wedding? Are you pulling off a super-frugal wedding or did costs quickly get out of hand? Please share your story!
I'm David Weliver. At 26, I had NO savings and NO financial plan. I was maxed out, stressed out, and fed up. Then, I changed. I repaid $80k of debt, tripled my income, and bought a home. I'll show you how to get similar results. 
You said your using a reputable online jeweler? May I ask the name?
I’m getting married in September and I’m right in the thick of wedding planning. I consider myself pretty frugal but I’m still budgeting $25,000 for this wedding. Sometimes I can’t believe that. However, we have 250 estimated guests. My mom has a huge family and there’s nothing I can do about it. Check out my blog for some more posts regarding our wedding planning.
I got married a couple years ago and did pretty well–we spent somewhere around $13k for a wedding for 125. We were SUPER frugal on stuff though–we didn’t spend a lot extra on decorations and we did cut a few things I regret (a professional photographer; definitely not a place to cut).
My focus was on giving the event some personality rather than on perfection. We chose to have a “light” destination wedding at a historic hotel in a less expensive part of the state, where we could afford a nicer venue with more personality than what we could get closer to home. Instead of focusing on tons of accoutrements to jazz the place up, we picked something that had plenty of charm and uniqueness out of the gate and this proved to be a pretty cost-effective solution. Better yet, they offered a package that included a planner who arranged for the food and cake, and we found an excellent DJ (one who didn’t play “chicken dance” or “YMCA” but rather tailored the evening very specifically for two people who are big music geeks). We also chose to have everything in one place–cocktail hour first, then the ceremony, then the reception. This was not only cost effective but the guests loved it–they all had a drink or two in them by the time of the reception and it felt very casual and informal. Due to some specifics of our situation we also chose not to have a wedding party or have anything to do with the church beyond an officiant, and all of these things helped cut some money off as well.
Cocktails before the Ceremony? Hah! That is what I call a guest-friendly wedding! Can you send some of your fiance’s (excuse me, wife’s) open-mindedness this way?
Hey! We’re doing the cocktail hour and yard games before the event too! (It was my idea, and I’m the lady!)
My friend is planning a brilliantly cheap wedding. She is getting married for the cost of staff’s time at our workplace (we work at a museum). Her photographer and musicians are students in those fields that she found on craigslist. She is paying a friend to make a small cake for her and her fiance and getting plain white sheet cake for everyone else. She has a small guestlist. She registered as having a Quaker wedding so no officiant is needed, although a friend will be unofficially ‘officiating’. No flowers or other fluff. She got her dress from J.Crew on-line which was very affordable. They sent e-vites to their friends and paper invitations only to older family members. All-in-all they are likely spending more on the honeymoon than the ceremony!
Ceremony AND Reception, I’d guess. She should write a how-to when it’s all over.
I got the engagement ring from Blue Nile. I was extremely happy with my experience, especially the part of not having to deal with salesmen. I’ll probably get her wedding band from there too.
I recently got engaged and had thought about getting rings somewhere online because of the wider variety of unique styles to choose from. However, just make sure there is an excellent insurance plan if you go that route. I chose my ring at Kay Jewelers and they will resize it for free anytime, polish it anytime, replace lost stones at no cost, examine the setting anytime. Just to have that piece of mind and the convenience of getting the ring checked when I am at the mall is worth the extra money. And, the brick and mortar chain had a wonderful selection.. I found exactly what I was looking for! Just something to keep in mind for all those out there looking to buy an engagement ring soon.
If you cannot afford an open bar, you cannot afford a wedding. Seriously.
couldn’t agree more with this! BYOB – that’s horribe!
It depends if it is casual. Weddings should be about your devotion to eachother, NOT showing off to everyone else! If other people want to share in our day then thats great. But being able to have a “wedding” should not be based on income. Less fortunate fall in love too.
You are actually correct in saying that the wedding is about your devotion to each other, however a reception is meant to be in honor of your guests. Most likely they put a lot of time and money to support you on this day and they should be treated as they did.
umm. Neither my fiance or I drink, so we are NOT having an open bar. We might be having a champagne toast but we are still on the fence about that. The wedding should be about celebrating the couple and having fun NOT drinking. We are also having about 40-50 people, so only our closest friends and family and not people who are just there for the free alcohol or because they feel obliged too. Not to mention we have some friends and family members who don’t mix well with an open bar.
some people weren’t born with silver spoons in their mouths.
My fiance doesn’t drink, but we’re DEFINITELY having an open bar. Like Renee said, yes… the wedding is about your love and devotion to one another, but the reception is for your guests. You’re inviting them to celebrate with you. If you were a vegetarian, would you expect your guests to eat salads and eggplant? No, I don’t think so. Not having an open bar or even offering wine/beer is extremely cheap. I’ve recently heard of the new “byob” for weddings trend and it’s truly mind boggling.
I got married in Long Island, NY and it cost around 35k. That is low/average for NY, so I always find it fascinating to read about wedding costs in other areas. My reception cost about 18k and the photographer was 6k. We had about 110 guests.
if you are 30 years old, put 35k in the market today (assuming 10% long term growth), and retired 35 years from now, you would have almost $1,000,000 before taxes….just sayin…
Joel, considering that 50% of marriages today end in divorce, that’s a great piece of advice.
I got married two years ago, in an expensive part of the country, with all the usual aspects associated with a wedding. I was pretty good about keeping to my slightly lower than average budget, but I was realistic about what weddings cost.
My advice is to focus on a few things that you really want to highlight and thus, spend money on. Then cut back on everything else. For us, it was the food, the location, and the photographer, and we spent the bulk of the budget on those. Everything else got the minimal treatment. And really, no one noticed that my flowers cost $200, but to this day everyone mentions that the food was good.
Great wedding stories so far, everybody! Thanks!
@Peter: The jeweler I’m looking at is Blue Nile. They have been featured in major media outlets and I’ve read pretty consistently good reviews. I didn’t buy my fiancee’s engagement ring there because I couldn’t see the diamonds, although sometimes I wish I had because I would’ve saved a bundle, but I’m comfortable getting my wedding band there because they’re so uniform I don’t need to see it in person before I buy it.
I considered Blue Nile too. They give you the grade, but you can’t take something like that for granted. I feel your pain for the final purchase price – I would’ve saved too – but I keep in mind that I took out the uncertainty and potential headache by going with a customer-friendly private jeweler.
“If you cannot afford an open bar, you cannot afford a wedding. Seriously!!” You CAN”T be serious!! Since when does a beautiful and poignant start to a married life be required to include booze–let alone free booze? I’m a wedding officiant as well as the mother of a soon-to-be bride, and the pressure on young couples to throw these big ostentatious parties is absurd. It’s not about the food, the flavor of the cake or how much free alcohol your guests can consume. Celebrate your love, be true to who you are as a couple and invite whomever you please to celebrate your love in whatever way you see fit.
Your guests paid to give you a wedding shower gift, bachelorette/bachelor party gift, a gift on the actual wedding day as well as spending to money to get to the ceremony and reception. Therefore, the open bar isn’t technically “free” to them.
Certainly there are quite a number of ways to save on your wedding and you have touched on a number of the biggies…basically your reception is going to be the biggest cost. Shifting the time of year, day of week, time of day of your wedding will have a big effect on your costs.
My husband and I had a large wedding, mainly because we both have very large families. About 300 came to our wedding. We were, however, able to keep within our budget of $8000. Catering was the most expensive part with the total coming to $3500. We did a buffet and used plastic silverware. We rented out the local community center and bought our liquor at a duty free shop. We found a local woman to make the cake for $350, with many sheet cakes in the back to make sure there was enough for everyone. My sister was in charge of all the decorations which we bought over several months using 50% off coupons at Micheal’s which came each week. A friend of mine’s uncle owns a limo business so we were able to get a great deal on that. One of my husband’s uncles did the photography for free as a gift to us (he owns his own photography business). I hired a classmate from high school to be the DJ and emcee which he discounted for us. Really we got most of our good deals because we knew someone or we were related to someone who could do part of it. I also bought my dress of the rack instead ordering for a 20% discount.
Hi Amy,
I’m in the process of my wedding and my only pain is the food rigth now.
Can you pls tell me how was your buffet to spend $3500 for 300 people?
I have 100 and the quotes that the caterings sent me are impossible.
Thank you!
Nathaly
Our daughter is getting married in May of 2012. We are in the process of finding a venue and our main concern is size of venue and price for a buffet. We estimate 300 for our reception also. We narrowed our choices down to 3 and then we picked a menu that we wanted and we e-mailed all 3 and asked what they could do on pricing it. 2 of the 3 came down significantly but the top choice wouldn’t budge. So don’t hesitate to come up with a menu and ask what they could do for pricing. Good luck with the wedding plans.
My bride-to-be and I are getting married next May. We are in NC and found a local B&B where we will have the ceremony, reception, a couple of nights lodging, dj, food, and a few more things for a package deal of $15k. We have to find a photographer and are astonished at how much they cost. One even costs, if averaged out, $700/hour! I can’t think of any profession that should be paid that much!
If there is a college near you that has a photography program, find someone to email in that department or a career planning office. Ask for a senior student who would like to gain some experience as a wedding photog. They would be thrilled just to get a couple hundred for the entire day… the experience is worth so much to a student. Any senior should have a portfolio, so you should ask to see their work so you can feel comfortable with their ability. Unless you are skilled in Photoshop, you would still need to arrange pricing for the student to edit photos for you. I think one reason the pros cost so much is the back end stuff like editing and printing albums. But,once the student hands over the files on a disc, there are tons of places online where you can order custom printed photo books by uploading the files yourself. Just a thought. (I was a design student and plan to have a former class mate take my wedding photos next year and I will do all the editing myself since I’m more than capable. I would never pay someone $700/hr to do that for me!)
I recently got married in March and my wedding with honeymoon total was $8000 total!!
)
We saved money by having a beach wedding. Since it was at the beach your attire doesn’t need to be so formal. I wore a dress
from Nordstrom that everyone raved about it cost $175 and my husband wore a white linen suit. The officant was only $70. Your local justice of the peace will do it for you wherever you want. You have the best natural scenery at the beach. Photographer was free (lucked out new uncle is one).
We had a lunch reception since the ceremony was early in the morning and booked a private dining room at our fave restaurant, the same
one where he proposed. Lunch is cheaper and everyone loved the food. Instead of a tierd cake we had a top tier with jumbo
cupcakes that were decorated beautifully. It’s a new trend that is a lot cheaper and you don’t have to deal with a cake cutting fee.
Yes, be careful because some venues will charge you $1-$3 a slice to cut your cake!! We also saved a lot of money by using a
honeymoon registry. We used honeymoonwishes.com. Since dishes and sheets were the last thing we needed it just made sense. Our guest actually
ended up paying for our honeymoon and then some. It’s only one day, save your money so you can enjoy your marriage. Honestly everyone loved
our wedding because they love us and it was a perfect day. If there is anyone on your guest list you think you need to impress,
don’t invite them! Best wishes to you and your fiance
Natasha… Thank you so much for your second to last line, “If there is anyone on your guest list you think you need to impress,
don’t invite them!” If I needed to read anything on this post it was that… Thank you so much for reminding me this day is truly about the two of us, our true friends, and our loving family… Congratulations to you and may God bless your marriage!
that sounds so nice. thats what i want a beach wedding with only close family and few friends there.
My husband and I eloped last August to Lake Tahoe. It was amazing and it was all about us, no mothers or in-laws to take over and put their two cents in. We figured that we spent about $1700 for everything: officiant (550) dress (30), husband clothes (150), flowers (120), rings (30 on etsy), cabin at Lake Tahoe for 4 nights (300), gas to travel from Utah (150), food for several days (200), announcements, which we sent our from Lake Tahoe (100). Our wedding was perfect in every way and I am so glad we did it the way we did. Our families were sad they hadn’t been involved (no one knew), but they understood that they didn’t have to pay for a wedding so we got some really awesome monetary gifts from our parents that are currently earning interest in an ING account.
We are in the middle of planning our March 2010 wedding now. My original “dream” budget was $10k; until we started looking at venues (we live in San Francisco), cake prices and photographers and the price tags they come with, our budget quickly doubled! We are spending money on the things that really matter to us: a beautiful venue that has indoor and outdoor space, loads of character, with an in-house caterer, and an artistic photographer. We are “saving” on things that are less important to us: our favorite music on an I-pod instead of a band, the venue is quaint and has tons of character so our flower budget is tiny, I bought my dress at a big chain for less than $300 (I’m “borrowing” a veil because they cost almost as much as my dress!), and he will buy a suit he can wear again. We recently decided to cut our guest list from 100 to 80 in order to “save” even more.
And, we are getting married on a Sunday–cheaper than Saturday, in March–cheaper than June.
We are getting married on a Sunday in Asheville, NC, which is a great way to save money on venue fees. We are having the ceremony at a beautiful site in a national forest (no charge) – we only have to pay for chair rentals and set up/breakdown. The reception is at a restaurant in town and since it is on a Sunday, they aren’t charging a venue fee (~110 guests). Food is $27/person, we are buying cases of beer/wine/liquor ahead of time which saves some $ b/c it isn’t full mark-up and we know what we want to serve (total food/drink cost is just under $4k), we’re getting flowers from a local grower ($200), a friend is making our cake for just the cost of the supplies (~$100), a friend of a friend is an interior designer and she is going to help us decorate the restaurant (we buy decorations ~$200), favors are two hand made chocolates from a friend who makes THE BEST chocolates in town, we are choosing our own song list and a friend who DJ’s is manning our iPod in lieu of actually having a DJ, we’re creating a slideshow from photos of us and our family/friends with music and captions, having a trivia contest so guests can guess where we’re moving next and who ever wins will get a prize (we’re planning to move soon), I’m borrowing a friend’s beautiful wedding dress that only needs a few alterations (which can be let out after the wedding), my fiance’ is buying his suit from Men’s Warehouse during their summer sale for about $199, and we’re looking for rings right now, which we will likely get online. I’ve heard there are a few pawn shops that actaully specialize in estate/vintage jewelry so we may check that out also.
Hi Allison,
I know this post is a year old but I would love to ask you some Q’s about your Asheville wedding! My bf proposed to me last weekend outside Asheville in Craggy Gardens. We are dreaming of getting married somewhere there along the Blueridge Pkwy but I wasn’t sure if it was allowed. We’ll have 50-75 guests. Who did you contact to get permission? Where exactly did you get married? Thanks!
We are getting married in exactly two weeks in Miami Florida. We have 115 confirmed guests. Everything is going to come out to 20k, give or take a thousand. This includes our attire, the rings, the venue, the food, open bar, the cake, the gifts for our attendants/folks, favors, flowers etc. It doesn’t include the honeymoon, which is a 7 day cruise that we got for super cheap. We are very lucky that we were able to use our church for the actual wedding ceremony for free, because we are members. We only had to pay a small cleanup fee ($150) for the Fellowship Hall that we are using the day before for our rehearsal dinner. We also got a professional dj for free, because he’s my fiance’s cousin. My florist is an employee who is doing the flowers as a gift- we just have to pay for the materials and flowers. At the last minute another couple canceled with our photographer and he applied their deposit to our account when we booked, saving us over $500. A church member who has beautiful flowing handwriting did our invitations for us for free, which kept us from having to hire a calligrapher. We used theknot.com for great ideas and even more money savers. The biggest place we spent money was at the reception hall. Though I wish it could have been even cheaper, I’m happy that it will be an amazingly beautiful event that culminates my union with my future husband.
My fiance’ and I are getting married in March 2010, we have budgeted about $1000- $1500.00 for our wedding, my mom got my dress, it was a bridesmaid dress that we ordered in white, my flowers are only going to cost about $250.00 and that includes all flowers! We are only having 1 bridesmaid and 1 bestman, no other wedding parties, and the best part is, the location is free, and its by a beautiful river. Its a locally owned pavillion that can be rented, and as long as you turn the key back in its free! We are using my mothers ring’s from her first marriage, they’ll just have to be sized which cost about $50.00 each to size, and the cake were getting from Ingles, they make beautiful, delicious wedding cakes that feed over 100 people for about $100.00. So you can have a wedding on a budget, you dont have to spend $20,000.00 or $30,000.00 to have a beautiful wedding. my fiance’s sister got married in june, his parents paid for it, and it costed around $20,000.00 and it wasnt that pretty at all. The location was pretty a nice mountian setting, but the decor wasnt at all what i pictured a $20,000.00 wedding looking like. So just keep that in mind girls! Also, you can talk to a beach front hotel to see how much they will charge you to have a wedding, most places like that dont charge much, sometimes even free, and you can have the reception right there. Kinda neat, were thinking about doing it. Also, the lady who said alcohol was a major factor in weddings, its rediculas, your friends shouldnt just come to your wedding just to drink your alcohol, they should come to celebrate with you. My bestfriend had a wedding for under $300.00 and that included food, flowers, location, and minister! NO BOOZE!!! You dont have to pay a fortune to have alcohol, just buy some store bought bottles of wine, and have your caterer pass it out. You can get store bought good wine for about $8.00 a bottle. Anyway, good luck everyone!!! Best wishes and God Bless!
My fiance and I are getting married in October 2010. We are inviting 120 guests, but imagine that about 80 will come. I was hoping to keep our budget around $15,000 but it’s slowly crept up to $22,000. We’re trying to keep costs down, but the fact is that 98% of our guests will be flying in from out of town, and although they’re really coming for us, I think they deserve more than a backyard bbq and plastic flatware for the trip. Some of our cost-savings have been to hold the wedding and reception at a beautiful restaurant that doesn’t charge site-fees, try to buy used when we can (dresses, etc), use a photography student who is just starting their business, and my best secret has been telling vendors up front what the budget is, and asking what they can do to meet it (before I did that, they were quoting me 2x what I wanted to spend). Unfortunately, even when trying to keep costs down, it is not cheap, no matter how you do it, to feed and entertain 100 people.
Even though it’s a ton of money, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to share a beautiful few days with everyone you love. These chances don’t come around that often, and they’re worth the price. My feeling is that as long as we’re still meeting our savings goals, and not financing the wedding (rather, paying in hard-saved cash), it’s fine to spend on this sort of occasion.
Judging women based on how much they spend on their wedding dress is really offensive. For one, you’re a man, so it’s impossible for you to ever fully understand the appeal of a beautiful wedding dress to a woman. My dress retails for $11,500 and I feel no shame in spending that because I have been fascinated by fashion history since I was a pre-teen and always dreamed of wearing a museum quality piece. A wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event, likely the biggest and most emotionally significant party ever thrown in your honor. Why would you not want to feel beautiful and special? If one can afford a $12k dress and it makes them extremely happy, then they are entitled to that dress. It may only be worn for eight hours total, but it will be immortalized in wedding photos and the bride’s memory and, if valuable and beautiful enough, may become a family heirloom.
Tell me you’ve never made an extravagant purchase purchase? If so, I have nothing but pity for you. We’re only on this earth for so long, why not put our five senses to good use.
As a woman, I can say that I have never been so enthralled with anything (Clothing or otherwise) that after looking at the pricetag, I couldn’t walk away from. As a 26 year old with a high paying job and some common sense, I can say that WAAAAYYY to many people in my generation take MTV sur-reality as a projection of what they can expect to attain for themselves. I grew up without much money, had a full time job in the summers since I was 14, and know that value of hard-earned cash. It’s one thing when someone who can afford to blow 20K+ on a wedding does so, and it’s another thing when someone spends the money who doesn’t have it. I don’t understand why someone would feel the need to take out a loan on what is essentially a 1-day party to celebrate the union of two people. There’s too many people out there who need to remove their craniums from their sphincters.
One of my friends spent $35 on her wedding, including:
- subway cost to the courthouse
- $15 fee for the license
- taxi, so she could get to work after the wedding
She says she only knows one person with a cheaper wedding. That person spent $30, but it was 30 years before her, so she figures she wins after inflation.
(her boss didn’t believe she was really getting married, so he didn’t give her the day off…he still doesn’t believe she’s married, about 20 years later)
I LIKE it. I was starting to wonder if only the wealthy or those with American Express cards were the only ones who can marry now-a-days.
Yes, I am a woman, and yes, I do believe that $11,500 is an offensive amount for a dress that I will only be wearing for 5 hours of my life. I am ordering my wedding gown online for $200. As for feeling beautiful and special—I don’t need an expensive dress to feel this way. I already do.
I am getting married this June, and I was hoping to keep the cost to around $3,000, but it is closer to $4,000 after everything has been tallied up. The biggest expense, (not included in this 4K budget) is my engagement ring, which is 5K. My guest list is frozen at 30 people. Only immediate family is invited, plus one best man and one bridesmaid. I chose a Sunday, in the evening, for both my ceremony and the reception, saving thousands. Because I do not want to stint on good food and good wine for my family, the venue is a beautiful historic mansion overlooking the Pacific Ocean and Santa Cruz, with in-house chef and restaurant. I also wanted a good photographer, since photos and videos will be the only things left of the wedding long after the flowers have wilted and the cake has been eaten. I will be ordering fresh flowers and making the table arrangements and bouquets myself, and I will be making my own invitations. The money I saved by being frugal will go towards the down-payment for a house in the Santa Cruz area. I think THAT is something worth splurging money on.
KML, may I ask what your venue was? I am looking at venues in Santa Cruz as well, and yours sounds very much up our alley.
Spending over $35K on a “Special,” Day, can’t really add up to a special lifetime with that person. Remember the song, “Can’t Buy Me Love,” Well, spending $35K and over on a wedding is most certainly that. I am a woman. I love beautiful, frilly things, but I also love the idea of a honeymoon in Europe, a down payment on a home and maybe keeping my savings account intact for retirement and college funds, rather than blowing 30 Grand on one day.
I think ALL women are entitled to a beautiful day, but I think what makes a wedding most special is the look in your husbands eyes as you exchange vows, the smiles on your loved ones faces, the beauty around you that is simple and understated.
Not all of us can be princesses that live in castles, but we can be imaginative and not have to out do every other princess out there that wants to have the bigger and better wedding.
How about donating your time to a charity on this day? Remember, weddings can’t always be about you as a couple. It’s about emitting the love you share as a couple to those around you.
So here’s how a wedding works.
It takes months of stress for everyone involved to plan a one-day party. Limited return on investment?
It costs about a year’ salary, but you quite possibly can’t afford a home and wouldn’t think about paying for a private school for your kids’ better education.
Your marriage probably won’t last.
Everyone thinks their wedding is gonna be unique, but they’re almost all pretty much the same.
There’s not an ounce of similarity in a wedding to your everyday life.
Lots of people get inconvenienced at great cost to attend, some flying in from thousands of miles away.
Most of these people you hardly know, if at all.
Few people actually have a fabulous time, though many pretend they do.
The food isn’t so memorable. I could have my favorite dinner for under 15 bucks, but I’ll bet most weddings budget more than that.
The couple probably won’t be all that happy with their pictures, and even if they are, how often are they gonna look at them?
There’s always a few dicks at the reception.
You have to dress up uncomfortably and smell good and be on time.
You have to try to figure out a way to get out early when you’re tired of being there, but you don’t want to look like a jerk.
You have to have a permanent smile all day long when you’re the “happy couple”. Not easy to do.
You could get hundreds of pretty flowers at Trader Joe’s that people can take home for a fraction of the price of the overly pretentious bouquets they put on the table that get thrown away, just so the planners and florists can rape you (financially).
Vegetarians are never super happy with teir food selection.
A lot of people who feel awkward around certain other friends and family are pretty much forced to be there, pretending.
People get all formal and stuff, where they’re never like that in their daily lives.
People get drunk, and that’s never good.
People have to pretend they’re a lot more religious and optimistic about marriage than they really are.
The bands usually aren’t anything to write home about. DJ’s are better, but we’ve all heard this stuff before.
The VIPs sit at the table up front and make silly speeches and look like “The Last Supper”.
You’ll complain later about the things that didn’t go right.
Stress, stress, stress. Money, money, money. Pretentiousness, pretentiousness, pretentiousness.
What a pain in the ass. I’d rather go to Marine World.
The best post yet! The thing I hate most about weddings is how ridiculously contrary they are to peoples’ actual lives. People who can afford this kind of stuff dont worry about going into debt over it!
I got married at the county courthouse four years ago. No stress, no debt, and absolutely no regrets. We bought a car (very useful!). And a couple of years later, we bought a house (also very useful!). We still have no stress, and no debt (I mean, we have the mortgage, but that doesn’t count). We don’t even own credit cards! Success!
My fiance and I are getting married this coming October. We have spent the following:
1000…downpayment for venue
4000…remainder for food and open bar for 70 people)
750…wedding dress
(tux to be rented)
5000…engagement ring
we anticipate spending about 2,000 between both wedding bands
800 for flowers
300 for invitations
we havent booked a photographer or offiant yet
the nice thing is that my parents are paying for the venue and we will take care of he rest. with that said, we feel we can splurge a little.
I read somewhere once about a woman who was very experienced at throwing wedding receptions. I think it was in weddings for under 5k. She said that everyone brought their own wine, beer, etc. It was just how her family did things.
Rich people can afford all sorts of luxury. That’s why they’re rich! Get married, have a nice party for your friends/family and move on. Stop playing “Little King”
Id fly around the world for a plastic ware and chinet bbq with people who want to see me, but I wouldnt spend a dime on somebody who expects me to “impress” them.
But let’s face it, its not usually the couple who wants all the luxuries, its the parents!
I am marrying my girlfriend of six years in July of 2011. Luckily, she is the only daughter of a middle-class yet also somewhat well-off family. Our costs are close to mirroring that of the author’s: rings, clothes, photographer/videographer, honeymoon, flowers, dress, DJ. Just our part totals around 15,000 and her parents are pitching in a similar number. On top of that, my parents are throwing the dinner rehersal. Before the assumption is made that my parents are not contributing their part, keep in mind that my father has thrown two weddings for my older sisters already and still has one more to go (my other big sis, who despite a disparaging view toward the institution of marriage, will likely want to go out in style before her 35th birthday). I can’t begin to imagine what he spent, but a rough estimate puts it at $50-60,000 for both. He’s absolutely nuts and the most dedicated father I’ve had the pleasure to know.
So, a likely $1-2,000 commitment from wonderful parents whom I owe my life and sanity is more symbolic of a debt I owe them of indefinite, intangible, and unbreakable value. My fiance feels much the same way for her part.
But, what I must also say, is that my fiance’s mother has, without question, been a second maternal figure in my life for quite awhile. My parents and the rest of my immediate family have lived over 1000 miles away from me since I was 20 years old (I am now 25) and while it is always hard to count on people who are not your own family, she has allowed me to do just that. She has also saved us thousands of dollars through her own research of wedding costs and their expensive shinanigans.
So, what is my point other than agreement with the author’s primary statement? The investment in my life to these two wonderful families should not be tested by money. Unfortunately, we’re all human and have our disagreements, but the goal is to keep in perspective that the costs of 2011 should not overshadow the relationships that will last our lifetimes. Therefore, my suggestion is that if I must swallow a little debt and contribute a little more than my brain calculates a logical amount; my heart knows such percieved discomfort is a down payment on maintaining the love.
You can’t be stupid, though. You have to save, you have to sweat, and you have to do what you have to do to pay the bills and try to keep wedding costs down and feasible. We’ll contribute 15-20 grand when all is said and done, but if I was not in the finnancial situation I am in today, there’s no way I’d be comfortable with such a budget.
Being and bleeding in the red is not worth the spectacle White Wedding. A little red may be as unavoidable in a wedding situation as Duncan Keith’s jaw in the Western Conf Finals, but you shouldn’t have to sell your teeth to the toothfairy.
I am a Bride to be. I can’t believe how much everything cost’s. I had no idea till I finnaly got to looking and thinking I could get away with just a couple grand. Man was I way off. Now I think were going to wait a long time to get married although we both want to get married now. We don’t want our family missing it though. We realy want to share our special moment with them. For now well wait. Good luck with your wedding. Monique
I have never understood the need for any size wedding. This is something between two people – not 200. My husband and I decided on a day two weeks before we got married. The only people present were the two of us, his son, my sister and her husband (because we needed a witness) and the guy that married us. (A gay guy that has a license to perform ceremonies.) We got married in a backyard of some friends of his and didn’t even see the location until we got there. I wore a great linen 2-piece outfit I found on sale – the day before the “wedding”. I spent a whole $35 on the outfit. My flowers were a bouquet from the grocery store approx. $5. Our mini-buffet, drinks and a small (homemade) cake cost about $50, I made the food myself. This all took place 10 years ago and we are still happy and still happy we didn’t waste a tone of money for everyone else’s benefit. All of you people spending thousands on one day of your life are crazy. It is an important day – NOT the most important. Thousands of dollars for a dress that will sit in a box for the rest of your life? Please…Half of you will be divorced in 3-5 years and will probably still be paying for the wedding to the idiot that left you! Spend the money on a home, a new car, heck put it in the bank for when the economy tanks again and you are both out of a job. Be realistic!
As a bride on a budget in a big city (and one that’s managed to keep to budget!) here are my tips:
(1) Consider a destination wedding. Seriously. Less guests, less stress, less formal.
(2) Budget 20% UNDER what you can afford, because inevitably, incidentals, extra costs, tax, gratuity, will eat that up.
(3) Don’t buy into those wedding magazines. The wedding industry would really be ashamed of itself for exploiting brides for extravagant sums.
(4) YOUR WEDDING DAY IS NOT JUST YOUR DAY. This is your fiance’s day, your family’s day, and your friend’s day too. Remember that when you prioritize what to spend your money on – that expensive dress, or a great band/DJ that your guests will love?
$500 for the dress and the tux? What wedding dress costs $400? Unless you’re buying clearance or second hand…
nm, he says it.
A lot of people just buy white dresses from Target or The Gap or J Crew that aren’t “wedding dresses.” You’re only going to wear it once after all!
I’m not sure where you’re located but it may just be that you can’t find wedding dresses that cheap where you live because I have numerous friends who bought brand new wedding dresses at local bridal stores for less than $500…? And what would ever be wrong with a clearance item anyway? By the way, in case you’re curious, I’m right outside of Charlotte, NC…
I agree, CC. There’s nothing wrong with a second hand dress. Everyone is so concerned about the dress, but to be honest, I want something, understated, classic and beautiful, and for that, you have to pay a lot for that king of thing today. Instead, buy a vintage and authentic version of what you want and you can’t go wrong
People have it all wrong today. Everyone looks the same in what’s supposed to look “original” and special.
To Totemic – yes, if you buy a dress in a bridal salon, I agree it is tough to find an affordable dress! Check out these companies’ websites:
(1) David’s Bridal.
(2) **Etsy.com. Artisan website where you can get a one-of-a-kind dress for almost any budget. I am getting my gown here…it’s a couture one-shoulder silk gown for $700 – new and specially tailored for me!
(3) J Crew. Nice, high quality gowns.
(4) eBay (my second choice was a beautiful new J Crew gown off eBay for $250).
(5) BCBG Max Azria.
Church/Officiant Fee: $500
* Reception Site Rental: his mom is paying
* Church Rental: $200
* Officiant Fee: free – my brother is an ordained minister
* Food, homemade for 200 guests: $300
* Photographer: $40 – friend of the family
* DJ or Band: free – my brother has a set-up and will DJ
* Flowers: $75 – fake, cuz i am allergic
* Cake: my mom is paying
* Rings: $80
* Dress: $176 – eBay, custom fit and perfect
* Attendants gifts: $150
* Tux: free with 5 rentals
* Open Bar: dry recpetion
* Invites: $75 – making our own on white cardstock with a black damask design and a red ribbon, the majority of the cost is postage
* Honeymoon: his dad is paying
Total: $1,596
And you’d be amazed at how well and beautiful everything is turning out for it. We never wanted a wedding coordinator becuase I am good with cutting down prices on things while not loosing out on quality and I know many people how are willing to help. The greatest part for me is the decorating of the recpetion and ceremony sites, everything is home made from myself or my fiance. This process is great! I may get stressed from time to time, yet in the end, I know that even on what some would consider an extremely small budget for a 200 guest wedding, my wedding day is my day to share with my friends and family, and I’d rather have fun and be happy, then stress about over paying for outrageous things.
I’m getting married on 10/10/10 which is a Sunday. We are having both the service and reception in a restaraunt/Irish Pub because its on a Sunday and we dont belong to a church. So far, we are on track to come in under our budget of $6,000.00.
We were married 20 years ago and I remember when I started booking things and planning I was amazed at how expensive it was. We were going to pay ourselves, so we decided to go to Vegas instead. We just couldn’t see starting out our married life with $30,000 debt for a one day party. We invited friends and family and the 20 that said yes went with us. I bought my dress from a consignment store, my husband wore a suit. We had only one bridesemaid and groomsmen and they wore their own outfits (a suit and dress). We booked the chapel ahead of time. I ordered the cake ahead of time from Albertsons and it was beautiful. One of our guests got a big room and we had a reception there afterwards with a few snacks and the cake. We all went to a Vegas show that night to celebrate. We also did a “rehearsal dinner” that we paid for. It was back when you could get the all you can eat prime rib buffet for $1.99 per person. It was the best ever and cost about $50. We bought our rings ahead of time at a reputable jeweler, but to save money, didn’t buy a band. I got that years later for an anniversary present. I never missed it those first 10 years.
The best thing we did was a couple of weeks later we had a huge party at a family members house and invited all our friends, family and co-workers. We had a keg and a margarita machine and tons of homemade food and regular drinks. Everyone was relaxed and had an awesome time. We sent out an announcement for that party and had probably 200 people there throughout the night. It fit us to the tee.
I can fully understand wanting to feel special, but if people really looked down deep I think it is more about impressing everyone else with how great your wedding is. I’d much rather impress them with how great my marriage is. Now there is an accomplishment!
Holly, Congratulations on your marriage!!! I got chills when I read your last 2 sentences… You couldn’t be more right. We need more solid marriages that can withstand the temptations and obstacles that society throws at our relationships… Hats off to you and your husband… God bless!
I thought about a co-worker who is getting married next year…he (like me) is working 2 jobs. How do / how can the working class have weddings when the average cost is 5 figures? Just wondering…is there anyone here who is of modest means that had a nice wedding?
My fiance and I (both full-time grad students and teachers) decided to do a backyard style wedding in NY with 130 guests in October. Because of the area, we cannot find a caterer for under $60 per person… that is for a buffet (does not include any beverages) . Tent, and all the fixings (tent heaters, floor, chairs, tables, floor ect) is coming to around $6,000. Sooooo, with just food and tent we are at around $12,000. Although our budget is 20,000.00, we had hoped to stay well below SO MUCH FOR THAT. We still need, flowers, DJ,invitations, rings, attire. I wish I had just eloped and used that gifted money towards a house.
My brother recently got married and had 350 people at the event. They spent way over 20,000 dollars for this. I am now engaged and really want a small wedding. No more than 50 people! But, I have many relatives saying that they will come even before I’ve invited them! If we count just my relatives that want to come, then we’re talking about 150 people and that is just my side! If we add my fiances side that’ll make it around 250 people! How can I cut it down to 50 people? Without hurting feelings?
help!! im having my wedding in 2 months..i have 40 guests and i am only working with a grand total of 300.00 dollars!! what do i do?? i am so lost i have no idea were to start.
Im just trying to figure out how im going to affored a weeding. When im in medical school.
I want less then a hundred guest but my mother in law wants everyont to be invited. They have offred to give us five thousand but I have a feeling it’s not gonna help any. But ur tips are so helpful!!! If you could think of anything eles let me know
My husband and I got married in July and we cut every cost we could while still having a beautiful wedding cuz there was no way we could afford a $29,000 one since we were paying for it ourselves. We had it on a sunday, which got us discounts with our photographer and videographer. We had it at a country club which included the use of the grounds, tables/chairs, linens, catering staff, bartender and pretty hurricane glass/mirror centerpeices for free (had to use their catering, but the meals were the most affordable I found- $33/pp). We got use of their outdoor patio, with chairs and wrought iron arch, for and additional $300. I found discount cupons for the limo at bostonsbigdeals.com, for 75% off and just needed it after the reception since everything was in the same place. I found a friend who could DJ for us and used an online company for our invitations. I went to a bridal expo and won the grand prize, so we got $1,000 off our wedding rings (just plain lucky, but helped considerably). My dress was more than I had planned on, but I found out later that the quality and design of the dress was exceptional for what I paid (under $700 in Nashua, no sales tax). I searched around online and found a florist with a great reputation for doing beautiful work at a reasonable price. I told him I wanted to keep costs down so he worked with in-season flowers and gave us a free throw-away bouquet and rose petals for the tables. We did NOT have an open bar, and no one could fault us there. The country club did give the bride and groom free drinks all night and a free champagine toast for the wedding party. The entire thing cost us $13,000 thanks to a lot of internet surfing and comparison.
We got married right out of college 6 years ago, so the prices have likely gone up a little, but we still kept to a pretty small budget of $8000 for the whole event (215 people). Ways we kept it simple and cheap were:
I didn’t specify the types of flowers I wanted to use – I just asked the florist to use bright colors of whatever she had in season. Only cost about $250 total for all bridal party (14 total) and flowers for parents and grandparents.
Catering was our largest expense at $3500. As with the flowers, we didn’t pick a menu. We asked the chef to do a “chef’s choice” buffet. That way she could use whatever she had extra of in her kitchen. There happened to be other weddings at the venue that weekend so she just ordered a little extra of the types of foods they had specified, and probably even served some salads that were extras to their weddings. Not everyone got to try everything since there was sometimes only one platter of each dish, but no one seemed to care. It think it was $16/pp.
We used a friend for a DJ and paid him $150.
We talked the groomsman into paying for the kegs as their wedding gift to us, and served $3 a bottle wine, and had no champagne or hard alcohol.
Centerpieces were just old mason jars collected from my mom and mother in law, and we paid $50 to a local lady to let us pick wildflowers at her house to fill them up.
Anyway, hope some of those may help other folks save some money as well. We threw a great party and had a fantastic time!
OK. So what about working class people? Do they have weddings anymore? If I’m making less than middle class wages, I can’t afford a 4-figure, much less 5-figure wedding? Is there anyone out there with more modest income that could pull off a decent wedding? Or should one opt for the courthouse??
Is it even reasonable to expect a traditional ceremony anymore?
I’m reading about a lot of people who cut their expenses up to 50% or more. That’s amazing, but their expenses still run in the thousands. For some people, it’s still too much.
Am I being unreasonable?
I had a $2000 wedding and a moderate honeymoon (by the way, cruises are the best honeymoons), so it can be done. There is nothing wrong with big weddings, but honestly, young newlyweds need the cash. Don’t spend it!
My daddy’s paying for mine. I win.
Good for you,, clearly this isn’t the site for you…
Im getting married in June of 2011 and im doing most of the planning but my fiance and my dad are doing ALL of the paying. Ilove it!